Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
