i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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