i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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