I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
