Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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