Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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