1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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