While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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