the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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