I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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