You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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