he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
