My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
