phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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