When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
