That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
