I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
