Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
