my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
