Where is the hickey?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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