I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
