My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
