i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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