Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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