hell yes lets make some ravioli
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
