i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
