Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
is wine microwaveable?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
