it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
