man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
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I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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