Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
