apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
