I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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