I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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