mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
