We're facebook friends in real life
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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