This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
