as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
