i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I believe in your delicious
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
