I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
