I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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