Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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