My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
