i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
