Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
