Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
