he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
