ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
