I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
