I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
