its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
