Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
