She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
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He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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