I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize