There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize