I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
