Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
