I heard we made out
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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