Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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