You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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