I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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