And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We are all done wearing pants today
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
