a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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