dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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