you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
