You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
