I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
