Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Still dying that you shit outside
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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